WAIT!! It’s 7am!!!
“Heaven’s to Betsy! Why is this tiny human crawling on my face?!”
“Oh, yes, that’s right! I am a MOM….I almost forgot!”
The dream I had just had was NOT my reality…. Instead of a white sandy beach, I was lying in my bed and in the other room I can hear the many demands of my young offspring. Telling me to make them breakfast and to wipe their bottoms!
“hmmph….” I think to myself again, “I haven’t even wiped the sleep from my eyes, and now I have to wipe your bottoms?!
I yawn, stretch and like a lazy sloth I reluctantly get up from my warm bed to attend to “the littles.”
The morning commences as I unwillingly complete this long list of mommy duties set before me. I start my mean mommy rant, telling myself lies, such as, ”Kristin, why is this happening to you? “MAN!! Can’t I just lay here in peace?!”
“Oh, shoot…I didn’t do the dishes last night!! Goodness, Kristin, Why didn’t you do the dishes last night? Are you lazy or something?”
As I head downstairs, in a funk, and already choosing to be angry…I see the HUGE pile of laundry that needs washed as well as the massive pile that I somehow managed to get clean, but needs folded.
I proceeded to beat myself up a little bit more by quietly saying things to myself, like, “Gosh, Kristin! How come you let the laundry pile this high?….How are you even going to take a shower today? WELP, I guess I’ll be wearing THE MOM BUN again!!”
I continued “the mama hazing” with, “Geez, How are you even going to manage getting the kids breakfast and making sure they are dressed and ready for the day?”
“How do you think you will even be able to find time to eat breakfast YOURSELF?!”
I end my long mental rant by telling myself this lie…
“YOU…ARE A TERRIBLE MOTHER!”
This was all within the 3.5 minutes I had just woken up to pure craziness! oh, and did I forget to mention, it was a Sunday Morning!
Isn’t Sunday morning suppose to be a day of rest?…It’s the sabbath after all! So, why does Sunday morning always seem to be one of the hardest days ever!? I should be so excited that I get to wake up and worship my Lord and Savior who has given me everything I have, right?!
The mental conversation continues, “Not only are you a bad mom, but a bad Christian too!!”
For the record, My loving, faithful and hard working husband has 2 jobs. He works part-time at our church on Sunday’s and it is my job to wake up with the kids, feed them, get us all dressed and ready to be at church with our HAPPY FACES on, all by 11am!
You would think that I could manage to do all of these tasks and to get us to church on time, right? Um, Nope!
Realistically, almost every Sunday I come to church with a crooked smile, a messy mom bun and 2 cute little ladies in tow. I take a sigh of relief as I walk through those beautiful church doors, whispering to myself, “AH, I MADE IT!”
Every Sunday seems the same. Why can’t I get a routine down, and why do I feel like I am always late to church? Oh NO….HERE IT COMES, THE MEAN BOSS AGAIN….
How quickly I can recognize my own short comings and start tearing myself to pieces, belittling my honest efforts, all while forgetting to give God the glory and honor and praise. Have I forgotten that I can do NOTHING without Jesus Christ?
The internal rant starts to pour out like a wild flood of angry mom emotions. MEAN BOSS usually rears her ugly head when I have felt like a failure or when I have chosen to believe the lies of the enemy. The lies that tell me I am not worthy! It’s when I set myself up for failure by creating expectations for myself as a mother and a wife and a friend and even a CHRISTIAN. I create such wild expectations that no one could ever attain! This is when I go all MEAN BOSS on myself.
Does this sound familiar?
This Internal battle of the mind and soul reeks havoc on us. It causes us to feel shame, guilt, worry, doubt and fear! We must remember that we are no longer slaves to this sin!
How about we start claiming divine healing in this area of our minds! Let us begin to recognize the TRUTH that sustains us! It is only in Christ alone that we can truly bring glory and honor to God with our efforts. We cannot continue to allow “MEAN BOSS MAMA” to rule any longer in our hearts! It’s time for a new Boss to take over! His name is Jesus Christ! He loves you more than anyone! THIS boss appreciates you and loves you enough to give you lunch breaks and even bathroom breaks! I know, right? AMAZING BOSS!!
He allows you to rest and find JOY in your long days. This NEW Boss says encouraging things to your mommy heart. He tells you how incredible a job you are doing!
When you need some constructive criticism, He says to you, “Hey, little mama! I see this area of improvement that I want you to trust me on! It is because I love you, that I want to challenge you in this area. Never forget, to rely on me, for I am your helper and I will sustain you! I will carry you through this challenging phase of your job! Yes, I am your boss, BUT, NEVER forget that I love you more than anyone, and I know you can do this!!”
I have always told my husband that if he EVER had a boss that was MEAN, that he didn’t have to stay at that job and that he could always look for work elsewhere!
I have been quite the hypocrite lately, living in an allusion that I am my own Boss (and I have been more often than not, the MEAN BOSS I told my husband to never put up with!)
I have forgotten who my Boss is! It’s Jesus Christ, the author and perfecter of my Faith! He is a good good BOSS (father). He is my sustainer, my Joy, my Hope! Have I forgotten that I can live in FREEDOM, because He died for IT?!
Have I forgotten, that I am loved by THE KING?
Has my identity really become this worn out, exhausted, stressed out and angry mom and wife?
I am remembering TODAY that If I am not abiding in Christ, then I am nothing! I am producing no fruit and I am no good to anyone without Jesus.
If I make the choice today to abide in my Creator and to meditate on His Truths, then I will be sustained, filled to the top and overflowing! I can make good decisions and can LOVE MYSELF through my mistakes and shortcomings. I can in return love my family with true authentic JOY!
I am writing this blog, mostly for myself. But also for you! It is an honest reminder to please stop being a mean boss.
Choose to dwell in Christ every day! Take time to be filled by God’s Spirit and truth! Not just to the top, but to the point of overflowing!!
The Lord sees your honest efforts and He knows your heart! May you walk in the grace and mercy and freedom that Jesus died for!
Rest in the mercies of the day! Today is a gift from God, count your blessings, and please be nice to yourselves!
Lovingly, the reformed mean boss,
Kristin Anderson
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