Stay at Home Mama Drama: Don't be a MEAN BOSS!

WAIT!!   It’s 7am!!!  

“Heaven’s to Betsy! Why is this tiny human crawling on my face?!”

“Oh, yes, that’s right!  I am a MOM….I almost forgot!”

The dream I had just had was NOT my reality….  Instead of a white sandy beach, I was lying in my bed and in the other room I can hear the many demands of my young offspring.  Telling me to make them breakfast and to wipe their bottoms! 

“hmmph….” I think to myself again, “I haven’t even wiped the sleep from my eyes, and now I have to wipe your bottoms?!  

I yawn, stretch and like a lazy sloth I reluctantly get up from my warm bed to attend to “the littles.”  

The morning commences as I unwillingly complete this long list of mommy duties set before me.  I start my mean mommy rant, telling myself lies, such as, ”Kristin, why is this happening to you?  “MAN!!  Can’t I just lay here in peace?!”  

“Oh, shoot…I didn’t do the dishes last night!!   Goodness, Kristin, Why didn’t you do the dishes last night? Are you lazy or something?” 

As I head downstairs, in a funk, and already choosing to be angry…I see the HUGE pile of laundry that needs washed as well as the massive pile that I somehow managed to get clean, but needs folded.

 I proceeded to beat myself up a little bit more by quietly saying things to myself, like, “Gosh, Kristin!  How come you let the laundry pile this high?….How are you even going to take a shower today?  WELP, I guess I’ll be wearing THE MOM BUN again!!”

I continued “the mama hazing” with, “Geez, How are you even going to manage getting the kids breakfast and making sure they are dressed and ready for the day?”

“How do you think you will even be able to find time to eat breakfast YOURSELF?!”  

I end my long mental rant by telling myself this lie…

“YOU…ARE A TERRIBLE MOTHER!”

This was all within the 3.5 minutes I had just woken up to pure craziness!  oh, and did I forget to mention, it was a Sunday Morning!

Isn’t Sunday morning suppose to be a day of rest?…It’s the sabbath after all!   So, why does Sunday morning always seem to be one of the hardest days ever!?   I should be so excited that I get to wake up and worship my Lord and Savior who has given me everything I have, right?!  

The mental conversation continues, “Not only are you a bad mom, but a bad Christian too!!”

For the record, My loving, faithful and hard working husband has 2 jobs. He works part-time at our church on Sunday’s and it is my job to wake up with the kids, feed them, get us all dressed and ready to be at church with our HAPPY FACES on, all by 11am!

You would think that I could manage to do all of these tasks and to get us to church on time, right?  Um, Nope!  

Realistically, almost every Sunday I come to church with a crooked smile, a messy mom bun and 2 cute little ladies in tow.  I take a sigh of relief as I walk through those beautiful church doors, whispering to myself, “AH, I MADE IT!”

Every Sunday seems the same.  Why can’t I get a routine down, and why do I feel like I am always late to church?  Oh NO….HERE IT COMES, THE MEAN BOSS AGAIN….

How quickly I can recognize my own short comings and start tearing myself to pieces, belittling my honest efforts, all while forgetting to give God the glory and honor and praise. Have I forgotten that I can do NOTHING without Jesus Christ?

The internal rant starts to pour out like a wild flood of angry mom emotions.  MEAN BOSS usually rears her ugly head when I have felt like a failure or when I have chosen to believe the lies of the enemy.  The lies that tell me I am not worthy! It’s when I set myself up for failure by creating expectations for myself as a mother and a wife and a friend and even a CHRISTIAN. I create such wild expectations that no one could ever attain!  This is when I go all MEAN BOSS on myself.  

Does this sound familiar?

This Internal battle of the mind and soul reeks havoc on us.  It causes us to feel shame, guilt, worry, doubt and fear!  We must remember that we are no longer slaves to this sin! 

How about we start claiming divine healing in this area of our minds!  Let us begin to recognize the TRUTH that sustains us!  It is only in Christ alone that we can truly bring glory and honor to God with our efforts.  We cannot continue to allow “MEAN BOSS MAMA” to rule any longer in our hearts! It’s time for a new Boss to take over!  His name is Jesus Christ!  He loves you more than anyone!  THIS boss appreciates you and loves you enough to give you lunch breaks and even bathroom breaks!  I know, right?  AMAZING BOSS!!  

He allows you to rest and find JOY in your long days.  This NEW Boss says encouraging things to your mommy heart.  He tells you how incredible a job you are doing!  

When you need some constructive criticism, He says to you, “Hey, little mama!  I see this area of improvement that I want you to trust me on!   It is because I love you, that I want to challenge you in this area. Never forget, to rely on me, for I am your helper and I will sustain you!  I will carry you through this challenging phase of your job!  Yes, I am your boss, BUT, NEVER forget that I love you more than anyone, and I know you can do this!!”  

I have always told my husband that if he EVER had a boss that was MEAN, that he didn’t have to stay at that job and that he could always look for work elsewhere!

I have been quite the hypocrite lately, living in an allusion that I am my own Boss (and I have been more often than not, the MEAN BOSS I told my husband to never put up with!)

I have forgotten who my Boss is!  It’s Jesus Christ, the author and perfecter of my Faith!  He is a good good BOSS (father).  He is my sustainer, my Joy, my Hope!  Have I forgotten that I can live in FREEDOM, because He died for IT?!   

Have I forgotten, that I am loved by THE KING?

Has my identity really become this worn out, exhausted, stressed out and angry mom and wife?  

I am remembering TODAY that If I am not abiding in Christ, then I am nothing!  I am producing no fruit and I am no good to anyone without Jesus.  

If I make the choice today to abide in my Creator and to meditate on His Truths, then I will be sustained, filled to the top and overflowing!  I can make good decisions and can LOVE MYSELF through my mistakes and shortcomings.  I can in return love my family with true authentic JOY! 

I am writing this blog, mostly for myself.  But also for you!  It is an honest reminder to please stop being a mean boss. 

Choose to dwell in Christ every day!  Take time to be filled by God’s Spirit and truth!  Not just to the top, but to the point of overflowing!! 

The Lord sees your honest efforts and He knows your heart!  May you walk in the grace and mercy and freedom that Jesus died for!   

Rest in the mercies of the day!  Today is a gift from God, count your blessings, and please be nice to yourselves!

Lovingly, the reformed mean boss,

Kristin Anderson

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Mama Wants a Chicken Coop

My poor husband has to wake up each morning to the next best and brilliant idea that I've come up with. 

 Today I was in the bedroom and the thought struck me...mama want's a chicken coop!

"Hey,Davin!- I yell from the other room. "Do you think we have enough room for a chicken?"  

He calmly yells back, "Maybe, why?"   "Because, mama wants a chicken coop!"  

The more I ponder the idea, I start to wonder things like, "where would the chicken go once the winter comes?  

I ask my husband, "what would we do with the chicken in the winter?"  He starts to tell me that we would have to find a way to heat the coop up etc....

"wow, that sounds like a lot of work".  I think to myself, "what if the chicken freezes to death?"  I can't bare to live with myself if I kill a chicken!  

"Maybe we could bring the chicken inside in the winter?"  I ask Davin.  He counter acts my train of thought with a question, "Kristin, do you really want a chicken living in our house?"  

Hmm....I mean, I really think it would be awesome to own a chicken.  To have fresh eggs every morning and to know exactly where they are coming from would be fantastic.  Plus, those little bobble heads are so darn cute!  

I guess, it's time to start researching a little bit more on the pro's and con's of owning a chicken...or two....or...three....

I've got these ideas running through my brain, and a handsome husband who beckons me just a little closer to earth...just enough, that I don't drift away....I thank God for him, but when mama wants a chicken, mama gets a chicken!   

I'll keep ya'll posted on the chicken saga.....until then, happy Sunday and I pray you all have a Merry Christmas!  

In His Grace   - Kristin

The beautiful blessing of 'Routine'

 This is Miss Avery Joy!  My almost 2 year old daughter!

This morning Avery took a big swig of her orange juice and yelled, "NUMMYYYYY"!!  I had to take a photo of this face!  Priceless! right?!

Like most of you mama's out there, I need routine! Even if I end up staying in my pi's all day, I need structure to my day.  It just makes for a happier mama, and a happy mama means happy babies!  We as mommies live minute to minute serving our children and squeezing in just a few minutes of our own to take a bite of frozen pizza or a sip of cold coffee, or God forbid we have to use the bathroom!!?

Routine is what I need and what I crave, but a lot of the time routine is mundane and boring! am I right?

Monday's are different.  On Monday's we pick Mimi up and head to our library!  Almost every monday we come to the library to buy 10 cent books and 50 cent movies from the Friend's store.  Little Ms. Marillyn works on Monday's and she has become a part of our library adventure.  She loves the girls and always has them sit on her lap while she reads them a book or talks with them about their day!  The other day as we were leaving, Ms. Marilynn says, "I always enjoy monday's when I get to see you and the kids!"

 It's been about 2 years now (since Avery was born) that we have made the local library our monday hot spot...and I'll tell you what, sometimes I loathe routine and wish for an adventure but it's on Monday's that I find a blessing in the routine!   Here's a challenge for you all:  Be a regular somewhere!  You'll be surprised how exciting it can be to have a routine!

Sick with Kids....What's a mom to do?

So, as most of you know, I was sick for what seemed like forever.  After more than 3 weeks, I'm still not fully 100%.  It all started with a trip to the Emergency Room.  I have never been to the E.R. in my  entire life and there I was on a tuesday night, lying on a cot in pain!  As a mom of 2 kids under 2 years, I have to admit, I almost enjoying the 2+ hours of relaxation time in the E.R.! Can I get an Amen?

 After telling the doctor my symptoms they did an ultrasound of my gallbladder and couldn't find anything wrong with me.  They looked at me as if I were crazy!  Then diagnosed me with "Bialary Colic" and said to just keep taking Tylenol for the pain.  I was sent home with a low grade fever and chills and the question in the back of my mind, "how am I going to keep taking care of my children, when I can barely think straight!?"  

The next day, Davin worked from home, which was a blessing, but he couldn't keep doing that!  I HAD to get better!  I kept trying to go about my life, taking Extra Strength Tylenol every 4 hours (not realizing that I was overdosing)  After 10 day's of taking tylenol and a fever every night! I knew I needed answers.  I went to the doctor again.  They did more blood work and it came back perfect!  They were stumped (they said).  The next week, I went to the doctor again!  At this point I contacted a few of my nurse friends, who said I should get tested for Mono!  Really?!  MONO?    I thought Mono was a virus for teenagers??!  How could a 31 year old mother get MONO?!  But, I was in need of answers.  

After the doctor examined me, she looked at me and said, "so, what do YOU think you have?"  HAHA!   I thought to myself, "isn't that what I am paying YOU to figure out??"  HA!  But, I asked her to please test me for mono. A few days later, I received the phone call that in fact I did have Mono! It was official, momma had mono!  Now what?  

The doctor just said, "REST!  LOTS and LOTS of REST!"   and she hung up the phone.

How does a mother rest?!  I knew I had to get better.  But, how could I really rest?  My life is beautiful chaos!  Kids crying and laughing all day long!...there is never a dull moment at the Anderson's.  (as I type this, Avery is crawling all over me giving me no personal space. :)  ha!

I must give a shout out to my family and friends who surrounded me in prayer and who went the extra mile to came over and help me take care of the kids!   Slowly I have started to get the house back in order and I am feeling much better!  

Davin and I celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary while I was sick.  We never actually "celebrated" it, so tonight we will be going on a much needed date night.  Mimi and Grandpa will watch the girls!  YAY!  

 I posed the question earlier, "how does a sick momma with mono take care of 2 kids under 2?  Lots and lots of make believe.  Chairs turned into train cars, tables and laundry baskets turned into forts and boats!  Lots of books, movies, singing and crafts (whenever I had the energy).  Life doesn't stop when mom is sick.  Being sick gave me the opportunity to sit back and watch other people do my life.  As I lay on the couch watching my mother, my husband, my aunt juggle the kids and try and squeeze in the dishes or laundry on top of it all, I realized just how much I actually do on a daily basis!

It's not the pressure of having to accomplish all that I must during the day as much as it is the amount of pressure I put on myself to be an THE AWESOME MOM that I desire to be!   Sickness has brought me to my knees, in humility, I must confess, being an awesome mom, means that the most important thing for me, is to take care of myself, first!  If I take care of myself, then I can be supportive to my family, I can truly pour out my life for them, if I am filled first!

 I know I didn't get mono because I did anything wrong, but I know I could have avoided getting THAT sick, if I would have taken the time to take care of myself in the first place.

I will admit, I let the pressures of being a mom override the down time I NEEDED for myself.  I wasn't eating properly, I wasn't drinking enough water, coffee was literally being shot into my veins just so I could function.  I barely took the time to pee, let alone, shut the door and enjoy a few minutes of quiet time!  HA!  Anyways, all this to say...MOM'S, please don't feel bad if you must put your kids in front of the T.V. for longer than an hour a day...sometimes, you just need a break!  And, make sure to take the break.  When the kids are resting or when they are quietly playing, please REST!  Don't do the dishes, don't clean the floors, just enjoy YOU!  It's important!  And no one will judge you for that!  I'm speaking mostly to myself here!

I love all you beautiful mom's out there.  Those mom's who are spending themselves on behalf of their families! But most of all, I love the person you are!  Not just that you're an excellent mother, I love how funny you are, how candid you can be.  I love that you have real problems and real joys in life!  I desire to know YOU, but if you don't take the time to find yourself, then you'll quietly loose yourself in motherhood. Don't get me wrong, It's an awesome and incredible privilege to be called MOM!  But, you still have a name too....Hello, my name is Kristin!    :)

I am weak BUT He is strong!

As my mother would always say growing up, "there are no but's about it", there was never a debate in our home.  My younger brother and I always knew that whatever my parents said...was right.  We were taught to respect our parents, for the mere fact that this was right in the eyes of the Lord.

My mom always said, I was a quick learner.  I didn't need much discipline.  My brother on the hand was a very "spirited child".  It took more persistence and patience from my parents to set boundaries for him.  And Thank God my parents never gave up on us, because we both are very well rounded people.

 I remember always saying to my mother, "When I grow up, I will never say THAT to my kids, I will never do THAT to them!"  .....and...... here I am...looking my 21 month old in the eyes and saying, "listen to mommy, obey mommy and daddy, we love you and we want the best for you!"

by the way....When did toddlers get so stinking intimidating, anyways?

Seriously!  I pray Avery doesn't have the sixth sense like a bee to smell my fear...or I'm in a lot of trouble.

Poker Face, my friends, Poker Face!   HA!

Anyways, I was thinking today while doing the dishes for the millionth time (we do not have a dish washer, but that's besides the point) about how tired I am and how weak I have become after traveling across the country last week with two kids under two, participating in a wedding, spending fun filled days in Portland, OR, Olympia, WA and Seattle...only to come back home to a mountain of chores and a never ending list of "to do's".  On top of it all, Avery, Mila and myself have caught the nasty upper respiratory cold going around. (thanks GUY, whoever you are that gave it to us)

If I have ever said, "I don't think I can handle anymore..." I was sadly mistaken.  After this month, I feel like I can overcome the world....and ONLY by the strength of my Jesus, my Savior!!

I am overwhelmed with the joy that Christ has put in my heart.  The times when I feel so weak, He lifts me up, he sends beautiful friends and family in my life to speak words of truth and affirmation to me.

So, today, I thought it would be nice to take advantage of the last few beautiful sunny day's here in Northeast Ohio...I called Aunt Tracy up and asked if she would join us for a lovely walk at Sunny Lake Park!  She said, "YES!"  What a trooper!

I loaded the girls up in the car (that's a task in and of itself) and after missing my turn, and taking the LONG way there, I met Tracy who was oh so very patient with me..and we began our morning adventure!

The Lake was beautiful, the geese and the seagulls were surrounding us as we threw rocks into the water.  The air was still crisp, and the sun was still creeping into the morning sky.  Avery was in heaven, bossing Aunt Tracy around and Aunt T gladly obliged.  Miss Mila was all smiles, and I was just glad to get some fresh air and see the joy on my babies faces!

As Tracy and I began talking, I realized how extremely tired I am, how some days, even most...I think about how lovely it would be to get a little more sleep, or to take a break from the kiddos'.  Aunt Tracy reminded me of something by asking me question.  She said, "would you really want to be anywhere else?  If so, where would you be?"

I said, "probably just working....and no, I've wanted this for forever!!  I've wanted marriage and kids, since I can remember!!"

She said, "RIGHT??!!"  "you would be working and taking care of someone else, or someone else's kids for that matter!  How wonderful is to devote your everything to your very own children!  What a gift!"  

She's so right!

I know I am not perfect, and I'm beginning to realize that motherhood is more of an "on the job training" deal anyway.  (thus, the stack of books on discipline and parenting that Iv'e rented from the library)

Deep in my heart there is a fullness and a joy of knowing that God has gifted me these beautifully SPIRITED girls, these wonderfully unique and wildly entertaining sisters

and He has given me all the strength I can muster and MORE to nurture them and rear them up in the Lord as best I know how...and when I am weak, He is STRONG!

Praise Him!

Kristin

When your kid hands you a pretend phone....

you pick it up!!  No matter how awesome you think you are, you're never TOO COOL to play pretend telephone with a toddler!

This morning has been fun.  Always busy for us.  I try and sip my coffee in between entertaining the kids, and making sure everyone is happy and fed.

This morning I thought I would try and be EXTRA intentional with Avery and I's time together. Epic Fail!

 I am excited about this new curriculum a friend of mine shared with me.  (Thank you Colleen Bacha!)
It's free and it's structured learning as well as FUN!  It's called, "ABC Jesus Loves me"

Here is the link if you're interested:  http://www.abcjesuslovesme.com/weekly2/week-1

Anyways, I pulled out our children's bible and started reading Genesis 1:1...IN THE BEGINNING.....(NO!, NO!, NO!, Avery screamed).  I kept trying different voices, big gestures...anything to help make the story more interesting....

NO!, NO!, NO!.....

ugh!  Parent failure, once again!   MISS INDEPENDENT wanted to read on her own!

Parenting is something I desire to perfect and something I want so desperately to pride myself on.  "Look at my kid,  Look what they can do!"  They have read the ENTIRE Bible...they know their ABC's...they read all the classical novels front to back.  :)

HAHAHA.....

when it comes down to it, every little tiny person is unique and their personality shines LOUDLY in the toddler years.  My daughter Avery is little miss Independent and it's my job to nurture that.  Yes, with independence, comes structure, boundaries, morals and values...but, like someone very wise once said, "break their will, but not their spirit!"

I am learning to go with the flow!  To chill out!  To fully take advantage of the times when Avery wants to hang out, to cuddle, to study God's word...and when she does want to hang out with me...or, like this morning, when she handed me a block that resembled a phone, and said, "mommy, hello?"   you bet your buns......

I answered it!!    Hello?

xo,
Kristin

Up All Night....

and it wasn't a party!  

Poor little Mila Bug has a cold.  its always an adventure in parenting when your child is sick.  More so, if YOU are sick yourself.  No one is there to make you chicken noodle soup, or wipe your nose, sing you songs as you fall asleep.  But, oh the joy it is to finally be the one who has the healing touch, the kiss that makes everything better!  I do enjoy being a mommy!  

What I appreciate more than anything, is my sweet husband, who shares in the midnight feedings, the ALARMING wake up calls of our toddler and baby, who desperately need a drink of water, or a boogy suck, or just a warm cuddle to let them know they are safe and loved.  Davin, is an amazing father, and It's an honor to be UP ALL NIGHT with these tiny miracles that WE made!

As Davin and I took turns waking up with the our sick baby all night...I Remembered the days of complete exhaustion after a long night playing cards with friends, or having a sleep over watching movies with the girls, eating wayyyy too much junk food, talking for hours and then deciding to watch the sunrise together!  

Those days are over, but the exhaustion is a raw reality today, reminding me of my very important job as mommy!  

 Since having kids, I've traded the card playing, for bottle making, the sleep overs with friends are easily traded for sweet cuddles with my gorgeous hubby, the movie watching has turned into a quick episode (or two, if we are really feeling spunky) of House Hunters or American Pickers!!  and the junk food and watching the sunrise...well, let's just say those have turned into secret cookie binging sessions during midnight feedings with Mila and now I get to appreciate the sunrise with my darling daughters!  :)

It's Sunday morning...Davin works part time at the church, so its another day of getting myself and the kiddos dressed and out the door and to church on time!  what a challenge!  

All chaos breaks loose...Mila is bawling..Avery is getting her head or fingers or some body part stuck somewhere and is screaming for help!  I dust one cheek with some rouge before attending to the babes....once we are all in the car, I take a deep breath, and drive to that sweet refuge of worship!

No matter what your Sunday looks like, and I know for a lot of mom's, Sunday's are CRAZY..and we often are quick to feel guilty about the true deep down overwhelming feeling that we've completely lost it and that we should be a better mom or wife.  The true reality of it all is, THIS IS HARD!

I am so grateful and thankful for that sweet place of refuge, for a church family to greet me at those doors and welcome me in.  HELLO!  I'm that crazy lady with disheveled hair, one cheek powdered, and 2 kids hanging off me like monkey's!

My church family is a safe place for me to be myself, and that's what it should be. I pray that each and everyone of you finds a church that you can call home.  Church friends, that you can call family! There is nothing more encouraging to a mommy then another mom friend who loves Jesus and can keep your eyes focused on His truth and love!  

Happy Sunday everyone..and to those mom's and dad's who were up all night...I salute you!  

xo,

Kristin